Catching Him
by tranquil13
Summary: I feel vulnerable and I hate it. What if he starts to see that I have changed. Maybe he will finally get over me. But do I really want that? Haymitch and him are all I have. My life with just Haymitch? No. What will I do? I can barely provide for myself! post mockingjay, pre-epolgue. PLEASE R&R! I am not kidding you Hunger Games fans, I NEED FEEDBACK.
1. Suffocating

**-This is my first Hunger Game fanfic. I do not own HG; all credits go to Suzanne Collins. - **

Katniss's POV:

I walked into the house and rushed up stairs. The sickening smell stains my clothes as I entered my old bedroom. I through all the roses away, threaten to burn them and go scrub the abhorrent smell off my skin. He is back. He is back and he did not push me away. All of the past hour events cram my head with an ache that will not go away. I seem motionless. I end up eating some of what Greasy Sae made for breakfast earlier, and fall asleep on the couch once again. My depression takes over my dreams and I am yet again reminded. But someone calls my name, it sounds familiar but I can not place who the speaker is. It reminds me of warmth and hostility. I know it well, but while in my daze I can not form a name to which it owns. I feel helpless and cold.

I feel an arm on my shoulder, slightly rubbing trying to wake me up. My eye lids flutter open as I am greeted by a slightly chiseled face.

''Katniss'', Peeta says. ''Katniss, please get up. You need to eat something.''

I think I mumble an incoherent yes and walk lazily over to the counter in the kitchen and sit down on a stool. Peeta makes my plate, which makes me feel worse. How am I to appear strong when I can't provide for myself. I wonder how he is doing. The doctor allowed him back, but was that more for my benefit. I think I will ask him later, or maybe it will just come up. He sits beside me and we eat in silence. I feel vulnerable and I hate it.

I feel him staring at me, I try to ignore it but it doesn't.

''What is it Peeta?'', I snap.

He looks hurt, but he should know this by now. I hurt people, people hurt me. Why does he still care?

''I suppose I am taking everything in Katniss'', he says. What is that supposed to mean. But I of course know. I am different, maybe he will finally get over me. I stare up at him again; he looks at me with longing. Maybe I was wrong. I get up and clean my plate. I walk back by the fire and stoke it. I look back at him, evidently he watch me do all of this. Pain has replaced the soft striking blue I know so well. He will never truly heal, I suppose. When he cleans up he walks over to me, and we stare at each other.

''Lets not pretend'', he says. ''I want to help you; I want us to help us. Katniss, I know how it is. But Haymitch and I are the only family you have left. We are the only ones who can help directly.''

''What about yourself Peeta?'', I ask.

''I am fine Katniss, I will be fine.'' I think there is a hint of convincing himself in what he says. But as always he puts my problems in front of his, but I won't let him.

''No Peeta, we are both hurt, no one come before the other.'' I state this and I see him think.

''Alright Katniss,'' he says with exasperation. We look at each other a little longer. I give in and walk into his arms. He doesn't hesitate as he wraps his around me. I breathe in his familiar smell, and his warmth and hostility. I feel the right side of my face become wet. I look up and see tears sliding down his face. His blue eyes latch with my grey orbs. He leans in and kisses my forehead.

''I missed you Katniss.'' He whispers.

I try not to say it, but it comes out.

''I missed you too Peeta, I missed you a lot.''


	2. Protective cocoon

**-I do not own HG, all credit to Suzanne Collins. PLEASE R&R! I will write some more, but if I don't get feedback it'll be short. - **

Katniss's POV:

Peeta left later that night; to be honest I scared myself. I now want to run. I opened myself to much, I let him hug me. Well, no I hugged him. That's worse! He comforted me and I to him, I suppose. But he left and I bundled up in a quilt as to hide myself from the world. I know I must go to bed but I don't want to be confronted by my reminders that I host so well. The fire sent a warm glow through out the room. It some how comforted me. Buttercup came into the living room and curled up by my feet. He whined for a moment then shut up rather fast when I glared at him. I fell into a slumber the moment I closed my eyes.

Colors…weird combinations of colors, odd shapes hosted the weird colors. They painted a distorted capital in an unknown yet very well known world of mine. Screams ignited my blood to rush through my ears. My face paled as I saw a cage in the middle of the distorted square. I heard the vague sounds of a chopper coming in, that's when it hit.'' No…NO, NO …NO!'' I scream. I then can not talk because I have been thrown onto the colorful ground by a extreme heat and force. The air knocked out of me. I am scratched and burned, I feel it so clearly. It does not bother me though, because I hear my name being called and there are two calling me. Both warm, one sweet and young the other handsome and caring. I feel so lost. The burning is so intense now I just want to die. I have no purpose anyway. Why does it matter, I will just lay here in pain and die; knowing that I am dying a horrible death and my pride not even caring. I am that far gone.

I some how realize that I am dreaming and force my eye lids open so I can wake up. It works and I notice the smell of bacon coming from the kitchen. I get up and walk over to the kitchen. I sit down and watch Greasy Sae cook breakfast. The front door opens and closes quickly. A familiar fresh warm smell enters the room as Peeta brings freshly baked bread to the table.

''Good morning'', he says to Greasy Sae and me. Greasy Sae smiles at him and I stare at him. It is not a friendly stare but it is not a glare. He seems to understand and sits down. He understands; he always understands. I don't know what we are now that I let him hug me with affection. Heck, I don't know what I am. But if anything I don't want to mess this up. He is right; Haymitch and he are all I really have. I have my mother but I won't let her in. She could come back, but I don't think I even want her to.

I notice that during my thoughts Peeta has started a conversation with Sae. Just the usual weather conversation or weekend plans, nothing with deep meaning. Peeta keeps looking at me, I think it is a habit of his anymore. We all eat while I am in my world and them in continuous discussion. Later after they cleaned up Sae spoke to me.

''Katniss, I am going to go out for a while, pick some stuff up for you and Peeta. Peeta offered to stay and keep you company.'' She said this with no real urgency, more matter of factly. I nodded, and with that she left. Peeta finished cleaning up while I walked into the living room and curled up in my protective cocoon. Peeta soon followed me in and started the fire again. I watched him and how gentle he was. I wonder if he still paints. I go out on a limb and ask.

''Peeta, do still paint?''

''Sometimes, it was part of my therapy. Now that I am back I would like to become more serious and maybe display them around town. You know, have something on display that brings joy.''

I do know; stuff like that is almost like a ray of sun. It brightens everywhere it goes. Peeta's hands can do that to. Peeta can do that, just by walking into a room. I watched his arms finish and then watched his legs left him up. He moves around very well on his prosthetic. I am in such deep thought about his body and how it moves so beautifully, I don't realize he is watching me watch him. I look up at him determine to not let him get satisfaction. But he smiles and sits next to me. I want to lean on him but I refrain.

''Do you want to talk?'', he asks.

''That depends on what you want to talk about.'' I say flatly.

**-What did you think? Seriously I can't become a better writer if no one tells me what they think. Even if you don't have critism tell me what you thought of it in general. **

**As a writer I want to reach my audience. When you read from Katniss's POV I want you to feel her pain and tiredness of living, when you read Peeta's POV I want you to feel remorse and love for Katniss. **

**If you are a big HG fan and you like this story, please go to my profile and vote on my poll. It is for what I should write next, this story is one of them so don't get confused, but they are mostly HG related. **

**PLEASE tell me what you think! Thanks! - **


	3. Trapping white walls

**-I do not own HG; please tell me what you think- **

Peeta's POV:

''Do you want to talk?'', I ask.

''That depends on what you want to talk about.'' Katniss says flatly.

''Well Katniss, I think we should come to an understanding'', I say with uncertainty. I don't think that came out like I wanted to.

''Katniss, all I mean…'', I look up at her and she did not take it the way I intended. ''is that we need to know where we are as friends or…more.'' I say skeptically. Now I pressed a button and who knows where we are now? Great Peeta, just push her away further. She starts to get up, but I grab her hand. She tries to pull away but my grip becomes hard pressed.

''Katniss, please let us help each other''. I say this with exasperation. I can see she is about to explode. I am right.

''Why can't you just let me go?'' I can hear the depth to her quick question.

''Why do people want to help me, they don't ask me what I want! They tell me my feelings, my thoughts, they answer for me! I HAVE A VOICE!'' She yells, not so much at me but the world.

''Then why don't you use it?'', says a voice entering the hallway. Haymitch comes into view. Katniss just protectively stands there, glaring at him.

''Oh now you shut up, right when I say something. Hey Peeta,'' he says to us. I nod to him and he continues with Katniss.

''Look who is coming out of her shell, and don't you give me that look. Do you think I want to be here? I am here to tell you from Dr. Aurelius that you better follow instructions that he has left on your answering machine. And that there is only so much he can do to help. I don't want to be here, sweetheart. Oh no, I want to go pop a bottle and drink to oblivion, but it looks like I still play a roll in your life. So, Peeta?'', I look up at him. ''I am out of bread.''

''I can do something about that.'' I say with a smile in my voice.

''See sweetheart, he has gone through hell and back for you and he still puts on a smile. He is a keeper.'' There is a joking quality in voice, but he is sincere. He has already been into a bottle, it is obvious but he still cares, that's evident. ''Girls in the capital would kill to have him, be in your position.''

''No one in there right mind would 'kill' for my position Haymitch!" Katniss says with finality.

''Well they are not in there right mind, are they?''. Haymitch says. No, they are not in their right mind. But Katniss is finished with this conversation and we can all tell. Haymitch leaves a couple seconds later. She stands there helpless. My mind is crammed with all the emotions of the day. I stand up and stare at the back of her head for a while. I don't think she will let me in now, so I quietly leave.

I enter my house and shut the door. It is still around mid-day so I think I will take a nap. I am not a lazy person by far, but my life now tires me. It tires all of us.

Katniss's POV:

What? How do they expect to act when I am so damaged? So in the end I end up back on the couch and fall asleep. My terrors are minor; I assume the bright sun light in my face when I woke up, shone warmth in my slumber. The day rushes back to me. I get up to go into the kitchen when I notice a handkerchief Peeta must have dropped. I remind myself to give to him later. It's all to fast for me, one moment it's me and my inner self and now all of a sudden he comes out of know where. But I am glad he didn't leave me.

I walk helplessly around my house, wishing it were my home. I do not see anything as I wonder around, just emptiness. White walls in my head and on the flat diagonal surfaces holding the building that just traps me. At one point in time I think I fall mentally a physically. I am breaking; the thought haunts me and comforts me. Maybe I will now die, I just want to die.

My thoughts dangerously bounce around in my skull. I feel like crawling out of my inner misery, but what good is that. What does it matter to anyone whether I breathe in the morning or not? I don't see the point in anything. I wish I had eaten those berries. None of this would have happened if I had just died earlier on. It would have saved me as well, along with my family, friends and the lives that did not deserve to die, but I do.

My door opens and my foggy eyes follow the sound. Sae looks down at me, as I am in a bundle of garments at the foot of the stairs by the door. Her eyes look pained and then harden as to pick me up mentally and strengthen me. Who in there right mind wants to hold me up? Her granddaughter walks in after her and shuts the door.

''Help me help her up, will ya?'', Sea asks of her grandchild.

I underestimated her granddaughter's strength, but I tend to be very weak lately which most likely plays a big part.

We walk over to the kitchen counter as Sae starts to prepare dinner. Lucy, I think that is her granddaughter's name, sits ext to me. I have heard talk around the hob about her sanity. Something about this memory brings a smile to my face. When Sae turns around I quickly wipe my smirk off, and return to what ever I am.

Lucy reminds me of me some what, I accept her. I like her. I mentally slap myself; because she comes around here a lot now and I just now even really acknowledge her. Well I said indirectly to her that she could have mom's old yarn.

I let my thoughts roam around my house and the little details when I smell fresh bread. I look up for Peeta, but find Sae pulling a basket around the corner into the kitchen.

''Peeta dropped this by, said he was to busy to stay.''

''Oh'', was all I could say. I lifted the handkerchief from my pocket to my face, as if to make a connection between its owner and it.

We eat some sort of stew with Peeta's bread. After Sae and Lucy clean up, I sit down in front of the fire place. I put this off for a couple of hours, then build up the courage to go to Peeta's house with the excuse of giving him his handkerchief back. I open my door and walk over to his house. I aimlessly knock on his door and wait. He opens up his door a minute later.

''Hey…come in, please'', he says to me.

I don't say anything but take out the fabric and hold it out to him. He chuckles at my childish move and smiles warmly down at me.


	4. When I fall

**-I do not own HG; all credits go to Suzanne Collins. Please review! - **

Peeta's POV:

I let Katniss in and took the handkerchief from her lightly laughing.

''Please sit down.'' I said.

''Oh I wasn't planning on staying long.'' She says.

''Oh, well thanks''. I say while looking at the fabric in my hand. She was staring at me. I could tell she did not know what to do. So I whisper seductively.

''You don't have to leave, you know.'' She looks up at me, surprised and a little aroused at my comment.

''I think I do''. She said with a smile. I was laughing now.

''See it doesn't have to be that bad, we can still joke around Katniss.'' She looks at me again her smile fading.

''Maybe'', she says like it is something worth thinking about later on. ''I really am tired Peeta, I'll see you tomorrow…I guess''.

''Yeah, okay. Bye Katniss''. I say and shut the door behind her. I walk into my kitchen and turn out the lights. I make my way up to my room and get ready to lie down and toss around in my endless not-slumber.

My night turns out to be worst than the last. My tossing and turning however subsided, my mind wanders on Katniss. For hours I am taken on this roller coaster ride of worry and hurt. What if she never lets me back in? What if she doesn't trust me anymore? Who would trust you Peeta? I ask myself. I would never blame her if she closed the walls completely between us. They have been falling lately and I think it has really scared Katniss. I can't keep on doing this to her! So, by 4:30 in the morning I come to the conclusion that I need to stick around a little longer and to see whether she wants me here or not. I live only for her. If I can not have her, I have no more reasons to stay.

I force myself to get up and walk down stairs. I could make her and Haymitch some bread for the next couple of days. I get the stuff out to start the preparations when I hear my door open and shut dramatically. Katniss flies into the kitchen. When she sees me staring at her, with her watery eyes and her heavy breathing she runs out again.

''Katniss", I yell out to her, flying out my door and onto my lawn. I see a glimpse of her figure as she makes her way towards the field. ''Katniss'', I yell again. ''Katniss, please wait up!''

She turns sharply and runs behind her old home in the Seam. I am a good distance behind her, being smaller than me proving to be much faster. I am afraid that she disappeared and I am shut out again when I see her stumble not to far from their old wood pile.

''Katniss'', I say quietly now approaching her scared dark profile only illuminated by the moon. She turns around quickly, tears now streaming down her face. She finds a split block of wood and throws it at me. I easily doge it, I can barely get her name when she throws another at me. I catch it in my hand, struggling not to have a flash back. I don't know if this is her way of crying out to me or if she hates my living guts and wants me to leave. I am torn and I think she is too.

Tears now threatening in my eyes, she lowers her next blow. Pain registers in her silver pupils. She lefts her head, now not sure what to do. I walk over to her carefully. I stare into her for a while. She can't hold her protection shell any longer and breaks down in front of me. I quickly scoop her up and carry her to the side of her home and sit us down. I hold her tightly as she lets it all out. She holds so much in for whom? Her pride. Another thing I love about her, she is so strong and beautiful, but she doesn't have to always put on the mask for me. She doesn't ever have to put on the mask for me. I just wanted her to know, to know everything that I loved about her. I wanted to show her off to herself, because she doesn't see it. This brings a big smile to my face while I hold her.

Her cries muffle into my chest, my shirt now wet. I was happy it was wet; I liked the feeling of her on my chest. I could protect her when she was this close. I have noticed over the years that she lets it all out when she hides against me. Games or no games, Katniss felt safe in my arms. Or am I her only comfort at this minute? What other comfort would she get, her cat, Haymitch? No, I was it. Does she like it? I felt her stir on me. I looked down as she looked up. Her hair stuck to the sides of her face. I pushed some of it back for her, her eyes now sad. I think I died right there. The look she gave me said so much but I felt as if she still keeps so much from me. She was hurting badly, from what, whom? I lean down and gently kiss her forehead.

''Katniss, everything is going to be okay …'' I was about to say something else wise and wonderful when she spoke.

''Peeta you sound silly, th…tha…thanks…'', she says.

I move slightly smiling at her. She gets a scared look in her eyes.

''Please don't leave?'', Katniss is almost pleading.

''I will never leave.'' I say very seriously, I guess that answers my own question/quest of earlier. I can't leave her here alone. I could never! I love her too much.

Hours pass as we watch the sun come up. Around mid day I notice she fell asleep. I carefully left her into my arms and carry back to the Village. I open up her door and am greeted by an irritable Buttercup.

''Hey boy'', I call. He hisses when he sees her, I laugh and carry her to her room. The door creaks as I open it. The sun is pouring in from her window, illuminating her bed sheets. I pulled them back and slipped her in. Now that I get a good look at her, she looks peaceful. Some what rested, if one of us gets sleep it's great and abnormal. I don't know whether I should leave or not? She is deep in her sleep when I hear her speak.

''stay'', she mumbles. Seconds later I hear her whisper a small cry.

''Prim, no please! Prim, Prim, Prim… NO PRIM! NO, No, no… no…please… no, No, NO PEETA! I stare at her shocked and about to wake her but she is already sitting up. Her face has sheen of sweat and worry plastered to it, until she sees me there. She quickly becomes paralyzed, not with fear but with what to do next. I watch as her pride falls. A look in her eyes tells me she just doesn't know anymore. I sit on the side of her bed and she crawls into my arms. She does not cry only breathes and accepts my innocent affection. We both are at ease, the most at ease that we have been in months or maybe a year.

**-Please review. I really want to know what you think. Anything I could do better? Please let me know. -**


	5. Ray of Sun, please don't mess it up!

**-I do not own HG. All credits go to Suzanne Collins. - **

Katniss's POV:

My head lies on Peeta's chest. I listen to his steady heart beat. It is so beautiful, and strong. There is no need for words just comfort. My mind however is working over shift trying to cope with the past events. I let myself fall, part of me is screaming at myself but part of me says why bother? Peeta sits here holding me not pushing me when I almost busted his head open with a log. I don't know how he does it. How he continues to love someone so broken as me. I will not be able to give him a family or be a stable wife. I do not want that, but I think he does. We are friends and I love that we are. He's is the sun, radiate and warm as ever. I am glad he came back. I breathe some trying not to listen to my negative side to early. I will fall soon enough, now I just want to breathe.

Later that day I am running water for a shower. I strip and get in the pouring indoor summer rain. I fold myself into my chest under it. I bring the soap to the bath floor where I sit. I sit there under the stream for almost an hour. I just soak up all my life has become. Some of what I have run away from and some I can't bare to stop running so I only acknowledge. I still feel broken and no where near healed or healing for that matter. I just have this sun ray in my mind today that makes me feel good, just good. It is nice, to just breathe while the warm water runs down my face and drips off my nose. The silk wet liquid soaks my hair making it darker. My scars glowing off of my olive skin, light pink on golden tan.

I look down on the white tile and see little streams of dirt where my feet lay. I notice the slightly stinging sensation that follows after my realization. I lift my feet and find cuts, blisters, and scrapes. Last night when I woke up from a terrible slumber I ran to Peeta with out thought, though when I saw him I became scared of the situation and ran from that too. I ran the whole way to my old home from the victor's village on my bare feet. I have not acclimated my feet for summer yet, I guess that's over with. Once I realized Peeta was following me it, at the moment, seemed a good reason to flee. It seemed reasonable to run from whatever was chasing me at the moment. My thoughts were what was really chasing me, not Peeta. But I broke down in my old yard and became a monster. To my surprise Peeta did not have a flash back, for which I am grateful. My barriers fell while in his arms. I then realized I could not run from my thoughts unless he was there to distract me.

I sound like I am using him, and maybe I am. What if I am? How come I am always the selfish one? Why can't I be more like him? I fall on my back in the shower, the water beating down on my stomach. It numbs my skin for a minute I wish it would numb me entirely. But I rather feel pain than feel nothing at all. I finally pull myself out of the bathroom and get dressed in a shirt and an old pair of jeans.

I can smell Sae's cooking down stairs, so I quickly finish and head to the kitchen. Lucy is there and so is Haymitch. I look around for him, but do not see him. Haymitch grins at me as Sae tells me to sit down. I sit far away from Haymitch, me being a little scared. Lucy starts to show me her pictures she drew, they are amazing but I only think of him. I hate it! They discuss the districts and President Paylor. I listen intently as Lucy draws. Sae said the dinner would be a while. So I get up to go, well I don't really know actually. I make my way over to the fireplace and stoke it and add some more wood. Everyone looks relatively happy. It's nice, to see some warmth. They are what family I have left. My mom rarely calls or I rarely answer, either one prevents us from being close again.

Buttercup walks in and curls up by the hearth. The vibe in the house is nice tonight, March 5, I think. It's my birthday and they all forgot. Oh well, I really don't care. I suddenly hear Abernathy over there speak of me. I look up; they all are staring at me.

''What?'', I ask.

''She really is hard headed, but a keeper definitely a keeper, deserves a lot those two. You know I was not that strong when I was their age…Peeta, I think he fooled all of us, that boy is a lot stronger than we all thought.'' Haymitch says, and then he starts talking about his geese. My head fills with what he said, despite all Peeta and I can be I truly believes he loves us. This brings a smile to my face. I start to walk somewhere, unaware as to where that would be when Sae speaks up.

''Katniss dear where are you going?'', she asks.

''She doesn't know where, just let her run''. Haymitch says and it pushes me over.

''I do not run!''I say.

''Save it sweetheart, I don't care'' he says.

''Yes you do or why would you have come back? Huh, we are not stupid Haymitch!''

''I came back because you need someone''.

''How dare you I don't need anyone!''

''Oh really, how have you been doing lately sweetheart? Huh, eating enough?''

I am shut up, I glare all I have him.

''Why do you care Haymitch? If it bothers you don't bother worrying about it. Why does anyone ever care!'' A loud crash comes from Lucy as her glass falls to the floor, ''I am tired of making people miserable, I make them hurt. If it is an issue, don't deal with it! I do not need you or anyone Haymitch. I am fine on my own!''

Sae looks at me as if she feels deeply for me; however she does not look hurt from my words. Haymitch glares at me.

''You are so blind Katniss, its good you have someone who loves you no matter what you do. You probably will find that only in him, so don't screw it up like everything else. Peeta is a good guy.'' Haymitch said.

''Well it's not like your drinking helps anyone else Haymitch, and I don't need anyone to love me! Why would I want them to have to endure me? Peeta is the one who is blind! He doesn't see my flaws; he did when they screwed him up! But look he still broke through!''

''You arrogant girl! You do not know what that boy has been through for you!'' Haymitch says dangerously.

''Well he can go find himself a good wife who can give him kids, and stop feeling bad for me!'' I say.

''You think I am giving you charity?''I turn around and see the dark hurt in his eyes, how long has he been here? ''I am sorry Katniss if I caused you pain, if you would prefer me to rid myself from you I will'' The next thing he says slowly. ''All I do, is for you.''

With that I fly out the door.

Sae's POV:

That poor girl, she almost brings me to tears. Haymitch could be a little more gentle with her but getting her out of this does not require cuddling her. Peeta, poor Peeta. That boy deserves her, I think she loves him but she just can't admit it. They need each other; no one else will cut it, not with what they experienced together. Watching all of this fold an unfold is something to see.

I smell the dinner in the oven as Katniss flies out the door. Peeta is still in the hallway with a hard hurt glare, holding back tears, and then politely excuses himself. I watch as he leaves with out Haymitch or I saying a word. My eyes find Haymitch, when he finds my stare he tries to look innocent. Not this time, my dear friend, I think as I fish out dinner and set it on the table. Well now our meal consists of two instead of the intended four. This was Katniss's birthday meal and I don't think she even knew it was her birthday. Haymitch and I eat in silence and he leaves soon after, but before he can go I stop him.

''I know things are hard on all of us, and especially those two. But Haymitch it was her birthday. We can't hold her hand, I know but you chose to make a mess of this tonight, so you fix it!'' He grumbled and with that he left. I cleaned the kitchen and the glass on the floor. Lucy had slipped up stair once the yelling became over whelming. I went up stairs in search for her. I opened Katniss's bedroom and found Lucy in the add on bathroom. She went into my arms and I carried her down stairs and out the door. On my way out of the Village I noticed Peeta's down stairs lights on and none of Haymitch's.

Katniss POV:

When I slammed the door my first thought was to run to the woods but when I got there, there were people working in the meadow planting flowers and refurnishing the grass. I stopped abruptly and turned on my heel heading the other way. I then could only feel my rapid heart beet and my bare feet slamming on rubble. But I could care less. Then my feet ash and I looked up. I was in what was left of my home. And then I immediately fell down; no tears came, just light headiness and exhaustion. I do not remember anything after that.

My head throbbed as my stomach grumbled when I woke up the next morning. The sun was too bright. I squinted for a couple of minutes before I pulled myself up and walked around some. I saw no need to go back to the house, and where else should I go. So I slumped down where Peeta and I sat two nights ago.

I listened to the birds for a while as the sun lifted into the sky. The peace and quite was nice, I relished it, and fell back into a slumber.

Peeta's POV:

I walked back to my house after Katniss left. I entered my house and slammed the door shut, that's when the tears started to fall, and it was out of my control now. I have been pushed back again. I try to walk up my stairs while staring out of my foggy vision. I just need sleep…

I was awoken by the anxiety that comes in waves all over my body. It hurts; a stinging sensation touching parts of me, devouring me. It exhausts me, if that's possible at this point. I lay there in pain with my own worst enemy; me. My brain, is straining to find any memory of something I said to upset her.

I continue to rack my brain, but nothing appears. We had such a good morning a day ago. What could have happened? She was so relaxed in my arms, it felt so right. How that could seem fake, but it wasn't. We were alone; maybe last night was on impulse. I wish I knew everything behind that beautiful head of hers. I want to know just enough to help, in what ever way I can.

This is when I notice that my sheets and I are clammy, lovely. I get up and strip my bed into a pile on the floor. I enter my bathroom to wash my slumber off my face. I then make my way down to my kitchen for some water. I am looking around my kitchen and living room when it hits me. Haymitch, Haymitch will know. Maybe he will help me understand. To be honest I, for one second, considered leaving last night before I fell asleep. She doesn't want me here, 'she doesn't need me here'. Well I do not know but something tells me not to go. Plus I need to be here for me as well.

It is coming on 10:00 in the morning, so I head over to Haymitch with a loaf of bread.

**-Uhh I have had writer's block and sometimes I can't remember what I have already written. But trust me it will get interesting soon. Please review you Hunger Games fans! I can't become a better writer if you don't tell me what I could have done better. Thanks for reading this. But if you skimmed it, please read it from top to bottom. Every little detail adds to the value of it. **

**-T**


	6. Please Help me understand

**-Well I do not own HG; all credits go to Suzanne Collins.**

**So I am cooking oat meal at 10:45 p.m., and writing this. You know the water boils faster if you put it on the bigger burner, but I really shouldn't have done that because I could have burnt my oats. Thanks for getting this far and reading it. I don't know if a lot of people even read the author note stuff. I feel bad because I do not. Please review, it is much appreciated! - **

Haymitch's POV:

'_Don't eat that', Maysilee said. _

'_What am I supposed to eat?' I ask. _

'_Here have some of my dried fruit'. She hands me some of her food. My vision goes weird again. I am now at the edge of the arena. I hear a girl scream in her path to death. I feel so exhausted. The heat is warring on me. My eyes squint in the harsh sun. An eruptions noise finds my ears from the volcano on the other end of the arena. I do not look behind me. I only look forward wishing to wake up. That's when my head starts to throb and I begin to see the old district 12 room. Someone is arguing in the living area, I try to find a place farthest away from the loud voices. It racks me to a traumatizing head ache. _

_My foot finds an open bottle, my hands pick it up. I swig it and it leaves a wonderful sensation on my throat. It no longer burns but gives me pleasure. I look up and see her, she extends her hand. I stand up we stare at each other, her lips curve beautifully but her eyes do not show signs of smiling. I reach my hands out to comfort her but I can't grasp her. Her eyes fill with fear, and then she struggles as if someone is dragging her away from me. We are screaming to each other, to come back or please don't leave. She says something that I can not hear. I am glued to the spot. A cold sensation rushes through me._ My eyes fly open as I reach for my knife.

That lover boy is in front of me a couple steps back, given my knife pointed at him. He is holding a buget.

''Morning'', he says. Are you kidding me so, I just growl at him. I see a sad look in his eyes.

''Spit it out'', I say irritably.

''Well, I was hoping you could help me figure out Katniss…I understand her. But right now I seem lost.'' He says. It is just too early in the morning for this.

''What bought this on, boy?'', I ask. He looks at me like I have lost my mind. Has he not known me for two years?

''Haymitch yesterday, it is more like what brought that on?''.

''Peeta, this is just her way of copping. It's kind of like her apology? Do you understand?''. He shakes his head no. I sigh in exasperation.

''Sit down'', I say while pointing to a chair with my spoiled shirt from yesterday. He walks over to it, and begrudgingly removes it. When he sits down I attempt to clear my throat.

''I would bet all my money that she thinks that she is helping you'', I say.

''How would her removing herself from me help me?'', He asks.

''Because, she feels like a burden, she probably feels like she is in the way of you being happy.''

''How could I be happy without her?'', I can since his anger rising. She will never know how much he loves her. What a shame.

''Well, she doesn't realize that. As you said, you understand her somewhat. You see she knows how she works, and she feels like no one out there will want her after they see who she really is.'' This catches his attention.

''But that's what makes her interesting, how she has a constant battle with herself. It's very admirable how in tuned with herself she is.''

''Boy, she will never see herself the way you see her. Do yourself a favor and give up on that one. Uh huh, she interesting alright. It is a good thing she has you.''

''Haymitch, I still don't understand why she has to push us all away.''

''Well, that my boy is her protection. She pushes us all away to 'hide'. You know, you are just going to have to talk to her yourself.''

''I don't know how you do this; I could never have the energy to deal with her. Heck I barely can.'' I don't say that very convincingly and Peeta just smiles at me. He then gets up and thanks me for my time. But he turns around before leaving.

''What?'', I ask.

''I can't let her go Haymitch. She asked me too once, but I can't'', he says.

''Then let her know''. He nods his head.

I wave him off and he's out the door. Uh, where is that bottle from yesterday?

Katniss's POV:

I don't even know where I am. I think I am behind some old stores in the square. I woke up again and just started walking, I never really looked up or around, just out. I hate to admit it but I wish Peeta was here. I wish I could take back what I said, but I can't. So, what does it matter? Why can't he see how terrible I am? If he hated me this would be a whole lot easier. But he loves me, how can anyone love me, my scars and my temper. My confusion mixed with my wish for death, how can anyone love me?

My bare feet hurt on top of the rubble. I am dirty and hungry, but it doesn't matter. I don't know why I even left the house? I don't even know what I am doing out here? I am looking for something, something I can't find. I aimlessly walk around looking for my way out. I spot a small alley beside the old supplies store. It is tricky to work my way through. I try to step around the old shingles scattered everywhere and the broken glass from the shattered windows. There are old broken boards stacked on both sides of the alleys front entrance. I step out into the square and start walking back home.

I look over at a family staring at me. The little girl, who I have seen in the bakery with Peeta before, points at me and whispers to her mom, they get a weird look. I recognize the father as one of the miners. He looks at me with sympathy, as for his wife and children who look scared. I try to ignore it but the man stays in my mind.

I enter the Victor's Village minutes later. As I walk on my front yard to my door I see Peeta crossing Haymitch's. He looks up, we meet eyes. He looks down and keeps going. I want to talk to him, but I guess not now. I go into the kitchen and fill a glass with water.

''There you are, I knew you'd be back soon'', Grease Sae says. I drink my water and sit the glass down. ''You know we still have some dinner I could heat up if you're hungry?''

''No thanks'', I say.

''Katniss, you know yesterday was your birthday?'', She says.

''Yes I am aware".

''Well…that's good. There are some presents on the coffee table if you want to open them. They were in the closet last night, we where going to give them to you after dinner but…''

I nod at her and look over at them as I walk up stairs.

Peeta POV:

Damn, when am I going to talk to her? There's a weird feeling in my stomach. I think I will let her cool off and talk to her tomorrow.

**-Okay, so I am going to try to stick with Peeta and Katniss POV's only. Haymitch was a request and Sae I wanted to write about, well I wanted to write about Haymitch too. Please R&R!-**


	7. Painted Paper

**-I do not own HG; all credits go to Suzanne Collins - **

My mind keeps tricking me. It speeds up and slows down quickly and I can not escape it! My dreams have become worse in the last few days. Peeta and I scurry around each other, I know I have hurt him but doesn't he expect that from me. Well he should. It is what I do, hurt people. All of this is not a good combination. It has me at the end of my rope most days.

I am afraid to fall into a slumber, for I will be blamed by my friends for there death. It is one thing to blame yourself but when the ones who you care about and who suffered tell it to you in a way that no longer makes you upset but just hurts. My mind is not doing to well either, because of my new interest in them coming to me while they burry me in there ashes, I can not escape now that I feel as if my slumber is apart of my daily life. It had always been I suppose, but now it will not go away. Nothing pulls me away from knowing that I killed my close friends that meant and still do mean so much to me.

This morning I woke to the sounds of pots and pans in the kitchen. My eyes fluttered as my head pounded at the noise. Through my lashes I can see a dull but lively glow in my room. I can tell it had or was about to rain outside. I felt as comfortable as I can get being wrapped in my blankets. So I curl up a little more into my chest and tried to just rest. At this point sleep does not help, so maybe rest is all I can manage to see hope in. I let my eyes fall but not letting me fall. I try to focus on the noises in the kitchen and around the house and how I am in reality not my dreams. It works for a little while. But nothing is ever that simple.

I noticed how my dad's jacket was peeking out of the closet and it reminded me that I have not looked at what clothing I have in a while. A lot of Cinna's creations where left with me and now in that closet. I have not seen the reason to do that just yet. It will only bring memories back that I am not ready for. I am not sure I am ready for what I deal with everyday, but I somehow do it. My headache progress to make me want to tear it off, when I decide to just get up.

The blankets come up with me and drag to the door frame as they fall next to the open door. I let my eyes adjust to the brighter light in the up-stairs hallway. The window facing the victor houses adjacent to me lets a lot of unnecessary light in. Way to big of a window in the first place, and I can see a great image of Peeta's house. There is no use for this window.

I start to descend the stairs, step by step I feel it rack my head as my body shifts from one side to the next on each level. Three steps from the first floor, the smell of bread enters my nose. I turn sharply which I later regret and find Sae in the kitchen pulling out bread of her own. I make my way over to the counter top and sit down. Sae presents me with a plate full of food. Fried cakes, eggs, stripped meat cooked in a skillet and fresh bread with jam. Then I notice the bowl of hot grain beside me, and the glass of some sort of fruit that she squeezed the juice out of that compliments it. It is a lot but I welcome it. I feel starved and maybe these won't 'quench my thirst' but I am desperate. I slowly eat my feast, not worried about time I must take an hour. Little Lucy came with Sae today and is in the living room corner playing with some colors on a piece of paper.

''Peeta gave her the supplies'', Sae says when she saw me looking over in that direction. Of course he did I think. I nod to her and continue on the tough meat and fried cakes. As I wash my food down with the juice Sae starts a small fire by the hearth. It is starting to warm now, but there is still a chill in the air. I slowly make my way over to the rocking chair by the fire with my toasted bread and jam. I sit down on its hard surface, still cold, not yet warmed by the light. Sae sits opposite of me while keeping an eye on her granddaughter. The effect of me sitting made the chair rock some; all of the events of now are painting a feeling in my head that I have not experienced in a long time.

Many emotions rush through me, emotions of comfort and fire light fill me. It seems so simple everything around me; yes it is which is good. But it seems so much to me. I look over at the coffee table and see the unopened presents from my birthday days ago. There is a red and gold wrapped present, wrapped quite poorly I see it was from Haymitch. The blue one with orange and green streaks across it, a masterpiece with in it self, Peeta wrapped. Leaving Sae's, a small yellow bag, accompanying it is a white card sticking out of the left side. I feel like opening them, but I will wait until Sae and her granddaughter leave.

Sae and Lucy stay a while longer as they stoke the fire ad clean the kitchen. But shortly they leave. I eye the presents, curious to what in the world they thought I needed in a box/bag. I reach over for Sae's first and untangle the ribbons that decorate the handles. I find a small chain with a feather attached to the end. It symbols hope and destiny in our district. I smile at the thought of her generosity.

I then pick Haymitch's present up quite curious to what it may be. An emptied liquor bottle and a letter…

_-I hate writing letters. So you should know I did this terrible thing for you! _

_You are a very hard headed person and a belligerent girl, and the bottle I just through in for no apparent reason. Your cat annoys me! It was lingering around my place today. Anyway happy birthday… Advice? Well sweetheart you are alive right? _

_Love _

_Haymitch _

I am still alive. Well yes Haymitch I am but what is the beauty in that? What a waste of his time. Why bother even doing anything for me if you only insult me. I stare over at Peeta's present. I left it carefully. All he does seems so delicate and beautiful. I unwrap the painted paper.

It is a box filled with things. I do not know where to start. I reach for the scroll, as I unravel it I see the charcoal markings and find it is a delicate sketch of us in the training roof. The sun is setting in the back ground as Peeta holds me. It is not overly affectionate but simply loving and comforting. But why give this to me and remind me of whom he was?

I roll it back to its formation and look back in the box. I see a small silver parachute that I know very well. I open it and find the pearl. I had wondered where that had gone…pine needles are at the bottom of the parachute as well as the devise that we used in the last Hunger Games, it extracts water from a tree. All of these memories bring tears into my eyes and make me feel nauseous. I almost can't take it when something in the box catches my eyes. There is a cloth that is wrapped around a stem of a flower, the stem of a dandelion. I pick it up and soon the flower looks like a water color painting as my eyes fill with tears. I am breaking down.

Peeta:

I woke up from an odd yet refreshing dream last night. It was about Katniss, she was walking in the field with a sun dress that blew through the wind. Her hair was down and beautifully long under the sun. She was holding a dandelion in one of her hands, while the other flexed her fingers in the breeze. It felt peaceful, and beautiful. But as she kept walking people would appear and walk with her, no one from our district except for her sister.

FInnick, Snow, Coin, Mitchell, Boggs, Cressida, and Pollux join her. As they continue to move people of the Capital appear. They all talk as Katniss and Prim hold hands. We are almost at the tree line when they start to die. But they keep walking with her, now the dead walk. They still talk but I can tell she wishes to be like them. Right when they are about to enter the woods Prim hesitates, when Katniss tells her everything will be fine Prim explodes and Katniss screams out to her. We all stop. Prim stands there burning, as Katniss falls, breaks in front of all of us. I woke up soon after.

The refreshing part was Katniss when she was alone, and then it became odd yet very real. It makes since, sadly it does. I am very worried about her, but I know it was only a dream. Now I am in y kitchen covered in flour, sweat and tears. My second batch of bread is finishing in the oven when Sae walks into my house. She helps herself to a seat and so does Lucy.

''Morning'', I say.

''Good morning Peeta, how are you.'' She asks.

''Good, weird dreams but I am fine. How are you?'', I don't think I should tell her about my dream.

''Oh…good, good. Katniss I think opened her presents after I left''.

''How do you know?'', I ask.

''She was eyeing them all morning. I figure she wouldn't open them while I was around so we left soon after''. I nod my head at her.

''How is she doing Sae?'', I ask.

''Really…? Better…better than she was. She still has that sharp wit of hers and she still knows how to throw a great pity party…All in all time will tell us''.

I nod my head again, but now trying to think of something I could do to help her. I lean my elbows on the kitchen counter.

''Sae what should I do?'' She leans in and whispers.

''Be there for her, even if she pushes you away for the rest of your life, be her friend. You are the only one she truly trusts. Play by her rules some, but if you have to pull her back in, take control.'' We both laugh at that, but it is true.

I finish baking after Sae and Lucy leave. I decide to take a shower, and then head into town.

Katniss:

I fall asleep soon after on the couch. My dreams fill me with dear as my friends trap me underground in their ashes. I hurt as I get up and stretch. I walk over near the kitchen but something down the hall catches my eye. I t is my dad's old hunting jacket. I have the urge to walk up to it, but I make my self get water from the kitchen and go sit by the fire again.

Why is this so hard, I don't really care to get better for myself but for others maybe? No, I do not need to be anything that I am not for others.

I study the room around me, and think about weather or not my dad would be happy in this house. I think not. I wonder how many friends of his are still alive and what they think of me. What they think of my messed up life and personality. I have nothing to be proud of, nothing to love. I suppose I have Buttercup, I honestly rather continue our love hate relationship it suits us best. I love Haymitch but in a very odd way. As for Peeta, I want to but he will never be happy with me and I do not know weather he is enough of himself for me to love 'him'.

What is the use, he is practically the same. Stronger and scarred but aren't we all. But I will never be able to give him a family or a stable wife. What does he see in me anyway? I am a messed up girl, with no appealing looks or actions. I must look a hundred years old with the way I have taken care of myself of late. He on the other hand is radiant compared to Haymitch and myself. But we can leave Haymitch out of the 'looks' department. He has aged well for what conditions he puts himself under but for his age he could look better.

I feel exhausted by doing nothing, which probably means I should start being active, but I do not want to.

Peeta:

I was in the square deciding which store to enter when I looked up to see a poster of the rebellion. I was unprepared for the image of Katniss, radiant and fierce in black. Staring at me, it makes my knees weak. Will she always have this effect on me? I hope so.

I go into a thrift shop of sorts and sit down. I look around at everyone. It is quite busy for the districts population, looking like most of it was in this store.

As I start to feel my legs again and get a better look around I notice boxes. Everywhere there are boxes with charred or ashy items.

''This is a collection of what we could recover form under the rubble from the bombings'', says a lady who looked as if she volunteers here.

''oh, that's nice'', was all I could say. I stood up and smiled at the lady as if to say I understand now. I walked over to some of the boxes and noticed some things are in good shape.

Later around evening I walked out with a box of art stuff or cooking devises. The helpers did not want me to pay but I insisted and snuck them money so that the others did not think that they must pay. I felt good about my contribution. I think Katniss would appreciate the store and there intentions. Maybe I can take her sometime.

I enter my house and set my box on the kitchen counter. I get the leftovers of stew I made the other night and put it in the oven. Later after I eat I feel so exhausted I barely make it to my bed before I collapse on my bed to a dreaded slumber.

**-I know this was kind of a filler but it will get really interesting very soon Thanks to LavenderBrownFan for some ideas So has anyone else seen that The Hunger Games comes out on DVD in a week? Pretty Awesome, but the books better** -


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